UNIFICATION is at the center of shared loss in a caring community.
I put a lady who had lost her baby hours after it was born. Like us, they knew the loss trajectory they were on; that the inevitable light at the end of the tunnel, a freight train, was coming and what was coming could not be stopped. We shared the numbing, shrill moments of waiting for the inevitable moment to arrive. How would it be? Will we bend under her weight? Will we be enough for our partners? And would we be able to sustain ourselves in the vast cosmos of grievances that would ensue?
I spoke with a grandfather about the loss of the baby of one of his children. The baby died at just over 24 weeks’ gestation, which means that, from a legal point of view, a funeral had to be arranged. A young mother who was distraught beyond words had to put up with something no one should have to put up with: all the focus and attention at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. But such things attract us to love. They make us trust God more. We agreed that the fact that we were talking about this was something unifying; and may we all pray for this young family and indeed my family.
The fact that we have experienced something very painful, but made so much easier by our faith in God and his abundant grace through the plethora of prayer we received, which others have also faced, unites us in love.
This is much cause for celebration.
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What a great power it is to share our experience, to be heard, and to receive the empathy that God knows we deserve. The power is doubled when we have the opportunity to encourage the person who listened to us.
When those who have suffered similar things meet in conversation, healing can occur. Not through the council, not through the trial. But through the simple sharing of experiences, we can hear each other speak, give voice to our emotions, and open the door to God’s healing.
We are stronger, not weaker, for speaking up about our losses, especially when speaking to those similarly affected.
To speak freely, to walk gracefully, and to sit in our pain; these are great aids to the grief healing process we experience in our losses.
© 2015 SJ Wickham.
