Have you fallen hard and fast for a girl, only to find out that things aren’t working out the way you expected? She doesn’t seem to be as into you as you are into her, or she’s still hot and cold. Her variability is confusing you and making you feel hurt and disrespected. You start to wonder; is she using me?
In a way, she seems like the perfect girl. She is charming, flirtatious and funny. When they’re alone together, things are great. She can even tell you that she loves you. But she later becomes abrupt, careless and even aloof. She flirts with other men and sometimes disappears without saying a word for several days. You start to wonder if you are facing a relationship breakup. What is happening?
Everyone, male or female, becomes vulnerable when they fall in love with someone faster and stronger than they fall in love with you. And it’s easy to find yourself feeling unsure where you stand with them.
A girl who does this is not necessarily a bad person. It is possible that she really likes you and she is confused about the type of relationship she wants with you. But it’s bad news to be in a relationship that isn’t reciprocated, because you’ll always find yourself wanting something that remains tantalizingly out of reach.
If you are confused about your position with your girl, you should think about whether it is worth continuing the relationship. It won’t be easy to walk away from her if you’ve really fallen for her, but at least you can get an idea of how committed she is to you.
What are the signs?
When you’re trying to be a good boyfriend, it’s frustrating and painful to be treated with indifference. You want to believe the best, but your girl’s behavior is unpredictable and erratic. Despite what she says, you can’t help but wonder if she really loves you. You have to take a hard, objective look at how she treats you.
- She is not there all the time. If your girlfriend takes regular sabbaticals from your relationship, then you’re clearly not her top priority. In unequal relationships, the one who is less in love may continue with it just to fill the time until something better comes along. And she likes to take time away from you to look for it. He may even be sleeping with other guys. This could be to keep her options open, because she can’t decide between you, or because he just likes sex. Whatever the reason, if she goes days without contacting you, then she has other interests.
- You don’t know his friends. Have you ever gone out with his friends, or even introduced yourself to them? If not, it’s a sign that he doesn’t see you as an important part of his life. A girl in love wants to show off her new boyfriend to everyone she meets. If you run into her friends when you’re together and they’ve never heard of you, then you’re definitely playing second fiddle in her life.
- She doesn’t call you her boyfriend. When a girl sees you as her boyfriend, that’s what she will call you. If she introduces you as a ‘friend’, or simply by your name (which no one recognizes), then she isn’t talking about you behind your back. And in this context, that’s a bad sign.
- She treats you like a friend. Do you like to keep your distance in public? If all of her hugs and kisses (and even holding hands) are in private, then she obviously doesn’t see you as the guy of her dreams. a girl in love loves being with a guy who likes PDAs. And she will happily reciprocate.
- She is ambivalent about the status of your relationship. If you talk about her as a girlfriend, she objects or looks doubtful or pained. Or talk about ‘being in transition’ after a breakup. But she is still in a relationship with another guy. Whatever her problem, if she doesn’t see her relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, then she keeps her options open. Make sure you don’t become the guy she sees only when she doesn’t have a better option.
- She’s still emotionally in another relationship, whether she’s dating the guy or not. Do you spend a lot of time agonizing over your past mistakes and the guy who dumped you? Women who have been hurt often look to other men to make sure they are attractive and desirable, and to make them feel better about themselves. You may also want to fill the void in your life. In these circumstances she is not interested in youbut in anyone who helps to take away the pain.
- She blows hot and cold on the sex. When a relationship is new and passionate, there is never a bad time for sex. If your girlfriend’s interest is intermittent, or especially if she is tepid or non-existent, then you are not a permanent fixture in her sexual fantasies.
- She leads the relationship. Does she decide when and if they spend time together? Is she never available if she calls her? When a girl only wants to see you when it’s convenient for her, she’s using you to fill the gaps in her life.
- She is not interested in your life. Does he use you as a confidante or as a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs it? And then you fail to listen or remember when you try to talk to her about something that’s going on in your life? A girl who loves you will want to support you and she will also look for your support. If she doesn’t, she’s not really interested in you.
- She is still in an unhappy relationship. Like women who have been dumped, women in an unhappy relationship may look to other men for comfort and support. But no matter how unhappy she tells you she is, if she doesn’t leave, then her heart is still with the substandard boyfriend. The more you let her cry on your shoulder, the less she will see you as a sexually attractive man. Because you’re acting like one of his girlfriends.
If you find you’re being used, you’re better off leaving hoping she’ll change and see you for what a great catch you are. When a man allows a woman to use him, she begins to lose respect for him and stops seeing him as a man she could fall in love with. And you will find yourself losing your confidence and ending up heartbroken.
She probably doesn’t mean to hurt you, but she may be selfish and inconsiderate (in which case she’ll never make any man happy), or she may be so wrapped up in her own problems that she just doesn’t see what she’s doing to you. Either way, there is nothing good that will come of it for you.
So what should I do?
You have two options. Either you can leave before they hurt you, or you can get tough and start using his back. It depends on how good of a guy you are and how strong your feelings for her are. Using it may save your pride, but it won’t make you happier in the long run.
You better find someone else who really loves you. So both will be happy.
