“It is what it is” is fast becoming a common statement among the American public. Personally I say it a lot, but before we get to what it is, let’s touch on what it is not.
Saying “It is what it is” is not an excuse for some incident that releases you from any responsibility or excuse for doing nothing. It is not a way to wash your hands and an excuse to give up. It is not permission for you to do what you want and think that there are no repercussions.
“It is what it is” is actually a way to pause the situation and an opportunity to step back and regroup. Let’s look at an example to get some perspective. You are driving on the road and, through no fault of your own, you have a minor accident on your fender. Nobody is hurt, but the cars are a bit broken. In this day and age, everyone is quick to jump out of their cars and start blaming the other person.
They made no signals, they were going too fast, they stopped fast, they were following too closely and the excuses continue. Often times, things heat up a bit as guilt is pushed back and forth. The police show up and take statements as the two drivers shoot fierce looks from side to side. They each do their best to blame the other driver and convince the officer to see their way.
So what happened? You are both upset and angry and carry that with you the rest of the day. In some cases, you can take it with you for the rest of the week, until your car is fixed or if you go to trial of any kind. Have you accomplished something? Oh, it raised your blood pressure, it put some fire and excitement in your life and it sure gave you a good story to tell your friends and family. But did it really accomplish anything? Not really.
Let’s try it this way with the same scenario. Get out of your car and examine the damage. The other driver exits his with fire in his eyes. You, on the other hand, have the “it is what it is” attitude. You’re not creepy or anything, but you realize what happened and you can’t go back and do it again. So, it is what it is. You are calm and collected. You had an accident and now you have to deal with the next steps. You have to focus on what comes next, not dwell on what happened. If you are calm, it will also tend to calm the other person. When the police arrive they have two calm people and they are more likely to learn the truth of what happened and not an exaggeration of the facts or even lies.
What did you accomplish this time? Your blood pressure stayed low, you got an accurate police report, you already thought about your next steps to fix the car. The incident is not taking away your productivity at work because you are not concentrating on it. He does not take time away from his family and friends because he does not leave every 5 minutes and tell the same story over and over again, embellishing it a little more.
It is what it is. You had an accident and you have your roadmap designed to fix the car. That is really what the statement allows you to do. Take a step back and regroup and have a clearer view of your options. This can apply to many things in your life and not just critical things like a car accident.
Here is another scenario. You are single and you are dating someone. They spend a lot of time together and things are getting pretty serious. Suddenly something changes and the other person interrupts it. Do you really want to be depressed all the time? Do you really want to isolate yourself from other people? Sure, it hurts to break. It cannot be denied. However, if you tell yourself what it is, you will be much further ahead.
They broke up with you. You obviously have something of interest or they wouldn’t have been with you in the first place. It is what it is. You know what you have to offer and, as they say, there are many more fish in the sea. This is a big world and there is someone out there for you. If you spend all your time depressed and thinking about that other person, it is very likely that you miss a person who is your perfect match.
It is what it is. Life is fun. You are born and raised. Life throws you some interesting curveballs and you face them and then you die at an old age. It is what it is. If you stop at the curve balls, you will lose a lot of things in your life. I don’t know about you, but I hate stress. I hate being held back from things. If I stop at the curve balls, I lose my life.
My wife often thinks that I am frivolous or that I do not care about situations that arise. I am not. I’m worried about things, but I also realize that once something happens, I can’t do much about the incident itself. It is what it is and all I can do is adjust and find the best way to face it and move on. The only thing I do if I keep coming back to that is hold myself back. It is what it is. It happened and I can’t go back and undo it so I focus on what to do next. So I have a little deviation from my goal. It is what it is. Chart a new course and move on.
Do you get it? If you want to move forward in your life and achieve the goals you have set for yourself or make the dreams you have come true, then you cannot focus on the incident itself. You have to be able to get through the actual incident and figure out what to do next. “It is what it is” gives you permission to do that. Don’t focus on the incident, focus on what comes next. Good or bad, it is what it is.
