I always love it when I hear a really fancy speaker. Barack Obama is stylish. Sean Connery is classy. My first grade teacher, Miss Banta, was elegant. She was mesmerized in her class when she always told us “extra” things in her lessons. Her enthusiasm was contagious. I can still remember the things she said and the way she used to float like a butterfly.
Elegance means not just a nice voice, but interesting, compelling, and memorable content in what you say. People who pepper their speech with interesting stories, anecdotes, and fresh bits of information always make us perk up and pay attention. These people are elegant communicators. The good news is that this is not a talent. It’s skill, and it can be learned. This skill can be applied to public speaking or everyday communication.
Elegance in communication is like Dress for Success, only it goes beyond the clothes. Elegant communication involves every part of your being: your actions, your way of speaking, your non-verbal communication, your choice of words, and your character. Elegant communication involves your manners, your way of speaking, and basically, your manners, with yourself and with others, at all times, especially in a crisis. Elegance implies being graceful under pressure.
Both men and women can be graceful communicators. John F. Kennedy was a graceful communicator, as was Abraham Lincoln, especially in his debates with Douglass, when, as an unknown, he won the nation’s heart. Nobel Peace Prize laureate Aung San Suu-Kyi from Burma was one of the most graceful communicators of all time. In a violent pro-democracy protest, she was able to silence a crowd using just her eyes and her immense dignity. And Nelson Mandela’s elegance and grace under extreme pressure and adversity helped change the world in the 20th century.
Many of the most elegant communicators of all time weren’t born with their skills, but they worked very hard to acquire them. Grace Kelly was so embarrassed by her harsh Philadelphia accent that she asked her father for a tape recorder at age 18 and she worked hours listening to her voice and correcting the inflections with great discipline. Later, as a successful actress and princess in Monaco, this discipline and determination made a monumental difference in her communication with the people of Monaco, Europe and the world and helped her serve as a graceful ambassador for culture and the American people.
The ancient Greek orator Demosthenes was the classic example of someone who worked very hard to become a graceful communicator. He was born with a severe speech impediment and people made fun of his stuttering at his first public meeting. To learn to speak clearly, he would speak with pebbles in his mouth and recite verses while running up the hill. (Not only did it force him to improve his speaking skills, but it also got him into great physical shape (another aspect of being graceful). To strengthen his voice, he spoke on the seashore over the roar of the waves. His discipline and determination helped him become one of the greatest orators in ancient Greece.
You can learn the skills you need to become a graceful communicator. I call them the 12 steps to being a smart communicator: guidelines you can follow that can change your life.
The 12 Ingredients of Elegant Communication(TM)
1. Honesty: Practice rigorous honesty in everything you do, all your transactions, all relationships
2. Trust: Develop confidence, and exude it, without arrogance, help others to be confident.
3. Flexibility: Quickly adjust and adapt to unexpected changes. Life is a “Plan B”: be adaptable to changes.
4. Passion: Exude passion in everything you do. Feel passion. Do things that you are passionate about, do them often!
5. practice: Practice a lot, for long periods of time until you get tired, and practice often.
6. Praise: Be tremendously encouraging to yourself and others. Give showers of praise.
7. Play: Yes, play. If you want to be fancy, learn to play. Play creates balance in our lives and allows us to be more creative and productive when we work.
8. Position: When you have good posture, your performance improves. Don’t let yourself be lazy. Present yourself as a person of good character and stand there RELENTLESSLY, no matter the circumstances.
9. Physical aptitude: Push yourself to be fit, it gives you confidence and keeps you in your best shape.
10 To be interesting: Learn, have a varied life, read, attend workshops, study, have hobbies, have adventures!
eleven Be interested: Have and show interest in others, ask questions frequently. Always ask!
12 Discipline: Be very disciplined, find ways to bring discipline into your life. Be focused and use discipline to keep your focus. Have goals, every day, every month, every year!
