It is very difficult to write about this. I’m Cathy Graham. I am a switch. It’s been 3 hours since my last interruption. So the other switches are saying, so what? Surely you have something important to say. What is the problem?
Its a big problem. He closes the door. He says that my idea or thought or rebuttal is more important than his idea or thought. I’m not saying I’m the only one to blame. We are a society of switches. Every good political debate, decent reality show, and “60 Minutes” investigation usually involves someone interrupting someone else. Shame on all of us.
Some of you are not switches. Thanks. Thank you for your patience and forgiveness. For the rest of us, those of us who will admit we have a problem, let me give you some advice on how to get to the other side.
1. Listen. I know I’ve written about this before, but it can’t be overstated. Actively listen and stop letting your mind wander into the rebuttal war zone and/or watch the clock so you can pretend you’re really listening. Hmm. I let my co-worker do the talking for at least 2 minutes, so now it’s time to step in. Stop. Turn on all receivers.
two. to digest. Take up the conversation or discussion. If it’s a team meeting, take it all in. Try to get a complete picture of the point of view of the other participants. Is your teammate telling you that he can’t finish the project? or was it just not done in the parameters that the team wanted? Or by the deadline you initially agreed upon? Take into account every detail. Knowing all the details will help you in the end and the rest of the team will be impressed with your knowledge of facts and details (very good, huh?).
3. Lay off. Stay away from making assumptions. This is dangerous territory. If you are assuming, then you are not digesting. There is no way you can read another person’s mind. You may have a good guess about someone else’s motivation, but you can’t be sure. His boss may have shot this idea down ten times before, but assuming that he is now shooting it down makes him defensive and lights the match for interrupting. Lay off everybody their beliefs and assumptions. In fact.
Four. Pause. As in, wait a minute to pick cotton. Okay, maybe not a minute, but wait 5 seconds. Let there be some air in the room. Everyone take a breath. Don’t sit around ready to dismiss and/or shoot down any idea that has just come up. Pause and breathe. And if someone else jumps, this is your chance to learn patience (not my strong point…this is where I struggle). Activate listening mode and bite your tongue.
5. Altruistic. It’s about them. Unless this is your wedding day, Eagle Scout induction, or your retirement luncheon, it’s always about them. To them, as in, everyone else in the room; your teenage daughter, your boss, your co-worker, the soccer team, or the class. If you keep them as your focus, you’ll slowly eliminate the amount of interruptions you’re doing. If you can keep your focus on them, on their ideas; you will break your habit.
6. Rinse and repeat. Just as your shampoo bottle recommends. Just keep going. There will be times when this is irresistible. Like when someone tries to tell me that Napa Valley has the best Zinfandels. I just need to smile and patiently listen and choke out the words they want to throw up. Have your peace. Let them impart their knowledge. When a manager tries to explain to me a labor law that I know perfectly well, as well as the latest regulations, I smile and let them do their thing. I’m not going to say I’m not going to say anything. But if they ask? Sonoma Valley Old Vine is the best, IMHO. But what do you gain by interrupting to grant that fact. Unless you’re wine tasting or buying a winery, let them have their way.
I find this to be especially effective with hot topics like politics, religion, and most sporting events (my college alma mater is worth interrupting). I will say that when you patiently listen, smile, and acknowledge others in a heated debate or team discussion, it really improves your reputation. People gravitate towards the person listening instead of trying to interrupt. So if you have the habit, acknowledge it and start working on it. You will be on your way to becoming a social tycoon.