Working with couples and individuals in relationships is my passion. Many of my clients experience challenges and some are going through a separation or divorce.
Through my work I also learn a lot from my clients, who in the end support other clients.
These are some of the things I have learned …
1. Things don’t always turn out the way we expect
While abroad, one particular couple who seemed to be heading towards separation and divorce decided to try again. They had already convinced me that they were better off alone. In their time alone they found the strength within their relationship to fight for what has already lasted 19 years.
2. Commitment can heal many wounds
Love affairs, betrayal, or secrets can leave a couple reeling and facing challenges. Couples have shown me that if there is commitment, dedication, acceptance and a willingness to grow and learn together, many challenges can be faced and dealt with.
3. It doesn’t end until the fat lady sings
I’ve worked with couples who went through separation only to get back together after experiencing each other from a distance and realizing what really connected them in the first place. I’m still smiling about a couple where they decided they couldn’t live in one of their clothes (smoking) and after working on the whole issue they are now married and committed to each other in an even deeper way. She emailed me recently saying, Guess what happens when you accept people as they are? They stop smoking because they don’t want to, not because you told them to!
4. Relationship is self-knowledge
Over and over again I hear that my clients learn more about themselves through relationship. What really bothers them about their partner is what triggers core problems in themselves. Looking from a distance, it is those gifts that help us heal the unresolved wounds of the past.
5. I just want to know!
I can personally understand when customers say: I just want to know! I have come to observe time and again that, as a generalization, men tend not to want to hurt their partner and withdraw so as not to tell them (for example, that they want to leave) where women just want to know and move on.
6. I’m right, you’re wrong
The biggest learning will be that in any relationship, there are usually two quite different points of view that each believes to be “correct.” Only through the acceptance of different perspectives and the ability to change perspectives can we come to realize that this paradox of opposing views means that it is not ‘this or that’ but ‘and’.