This is a series of articles describing what likely happened in your marriage and the options you now have. Divorce is not always the best option. Sometimes all you need to do is take a step back to get a new perspective and then you can make a better decision.
divorce is not final
Divorce is not an end, especially for couples with children; it’s just a change of circumstances. Children do not lose either parent when there is a divorce. Their lives and needs must be considered to ensure a smooth transition and a secure future childhood.
The three ways to end a marriage
Divorce is sometimes the only viable option to resolve a difficult marriage. Most of those seeking to end their marriage relationship are good people who protect themselves from ongoing pain. The way in which they decide to end their marriage will have a dramatic future impact on the goodwill between the couple and the lives of the children.
1. do it yourself
Those who have simple situations, such as being in full agreement or having a short-term marriage, with no children or few assets, should consider an online or self-represented divorce.
A competent mediator can guide you through uncertainties like arranging time-sharing with the kids. Legal questions can be answered by a family law specialist, which all family courts offer as a free service for those who cannot afford a lawyer or mediator.
2. hire a lawyer
Even an ethical family law attorney is a “gun for hire” who has no problem destroying the opposition (the parents of their children). The lawyer will use your worst traits to find ways to attack your spouse and even embellish the stories; extending beyond what most people would consider “true.”
When a lawyer is hired, the opposing lawyer is also hired, and the fight wipes out any goodwill that could have been saved. His children are tortured by their parents locked in the battle instead of locked in supporting them. This is the worst thing to do and should only be considered a last, last, last resort.
The average time to get divorced by litigation is two years (minimum eight months).
3. Hire a mediator
Mediation is a process controlled by the parties involved and ensures that everyone’s needs are met. The average time to get divorced through mediation is three to six months. As long as parents work hard to protect their children, everything will be fine.
A mediator will help you:
- Order all the necessary information and paperwork
- Communicate in a safe environment, free from fear and intimidation.
- Understand all your options
- Organize all the necessary professionals for you, such as financial planners and tax lawyers
Mediation gives satisfactory results with the least stress for the family.
Remember that a marriage and family mediator is not there to give you advice (unless they have a specific license to do so). Good mediators will insist that both parents go to a family law specialist to review the marriage settlement agreement. This final check should only throw up minor glitches, if any, but it’s still important.
Usually, a mediator’s knowledge is limited by his or her previous career. Most mediators come from the legal profession; others have experience in financial planning, coaching, and other fields.
Most mediators will help you find an amicable closure. However, if there are children involved, the relationship does not end; just change. A supportive environment for children must be maintained.
The next article, The Divorce Process, Questions and Answers – Part 6: The “Do It Yourself” Methodwill look at the DIY divorce.
