I often hear from wives who just don’t understand the control the mistress or other woman in the affair has over their husband. Many of these wives tell me that the other woman is not even that pretty, refined, or accomplished. And yet, they are beyond frustrated to see that this simple woman has undeniable power over her husband because he is acting like an idiot because of her.
I recently heard from a wife who said, in part, “I just don’t understand the control this other woman has over my husband or the power she seems to have over him. My husband is a smart and successful man. He doesn’t normally take orders.” of anyone Usually he is not easily impressed. And yet he is willing to risk almost everything for this woman. He is willing to go through all kinds of obstacles or give up her family just to make her happy. I just do.” I don’t get it. Is she always going to have this kind of power over him?
I know this is a very difficult situation. It’s hard to explain why he acts the way he does in logical words because it often doesn’t make any sense. And you don’t understand how this fairly typical woman who isn’t too different from you has your husband to the point where he becomes a completely different person to her. The thing is, she usually doesn’t have any magical power, mysterious control over him, or anything out of the ordinary. But her husband (and her) may not know it yet. I will explain it below.
Why husbands allow the other woman or lover to control them while they are cheating or having an affair: Many wives worry that their husbands are having an epic love affair with their soulmate and therefore the wife just can’t compete. Well, the husband and the other woman can certainly feel this to be true at the time. And the reasons for this are quite simple. Believing that they have something so special that it justifies lying and cheating is what is best for them. They have to build the relationship to the highest heights in order to justify it. Because if you risked your family and acted like a fool for a relationship or person that was nothing special, what does that say about you?
You see, he needs to believe that she is worth every risk, every shameful act or behavior, and every commitment, especially at first. But that doesn’t mean that he will always feel this way or that he will never come to his senses. Over time, sometimes even the most stubborn man can’t deny the obvious. Often the other woman will show her true colors or her true motivations, and as the freshness fades from the relationship, that’s when it’s game over.
He understands that the power she believes she has over him will often fade over time: I understand how hurtful and frustrating it is to watch your husband make fun of your marriage. He often acts like a 17-year-old getting his first taste of sexuality from him. Even if everyone is laughing behind his back, he can’t see it at the moment.
The thing is, she could be offering an intense physical relationship, a so-called emotional connection, or something exciting and new for the first few days, but she can’t possibly keep it up. Time will make this relationship familiar in the end. That is unavoidable. And when the relationship becomes familiar and when she starts making demands, that’s usually when her control over him starts to lessen a bit. He no longer feels so young, carefree or alive when he’s with her, so he has no incentive to keep risking it all.
How you handle the situation when his hold on him ends is up to you. Maybe you could decide that she can have it. Or maybe she is still very involved in his marriage or her family and is glad that he comes to his senses when she finally does.
Either way, you can often take comfort in the fact that it’s often not a matter of if this control over your husband will fade, but when. That’s not to say that there aren’t couples who start their relationship cheating and end up with a lasting or real relationship. Some go to marry the “other woman”, but this group is very rare and minority. Most of the time, her control over him ends as soon as the novelty or forbidden nature of the relationship ends. This also usually happens at the point where she begins to let her guard down a bit and starts making demands or backs away from the “no strings attached” stance that many other women attempt at first.
So to answer the questions raised, there’s not always an easy explanation for the control she has over him. She is often associated with the promise of a forbidden and intense relationship that makes him feel younger, stronger, and more desirable. Unfortunately for him, these things are fleeting and destined to fade and fail over time. I know this may not make you feel better right now, but I bet it will make you feel a little better when it actually happens and you feel justified in the end.
