The Narcissist’s Playbook
Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Counseling with Randi Fine
During the many years that I have been involved in the field of narcissistic abuse recovery, I have discovered something remarkable; Narcissists everywhere seem to be operating from the same playbook. I don’t know who wrote it, when it was written, or where a copy could be found, but it must exist because the evidence shows time and again that narcissists are the least original beings on the planet. They all do and say the same things.
Narcissists may appear human, they may even act human, but they actually have more in common with undomesticated animals and insects than they do with humanity. As creatures of nature, they live their lives in survival mode; Empathic predators on a perpetual search for vulnerable prey. And like a lurking lion, the execution of the victim’s capture may vary in detail, but the method of devouring the prey is always the same.
The survivor stories they told me are outrageous; credible only for those who have experienced something similar. Survivors rightly believe that their experience is unique and that their abusers are more deviant than most. The word “evil” is often used to precede the word “narcissistic” because narcissism alone does not seem to adequately describe the horror they have experienced.
Any experience you have had as a victim of narcissistic abuse is truly horrible. And while malignant narcissism does exist, it rarely applies to the average situation. Narcissists destroy their goals through mind games. Evil narcissists maim and murder. There is nothing worse than that. Victims of malignant narcissists rarely survive to tell their story.
Narcissistic abuse patterns, be it parental, spousal, romantic, work-related or otherwise, are so predictable that I could tell everyone’s story before they tell me, although I don’t because that’s not what I am. survivors want or need me. They desperately need to be heard, validated and supported, often for the first time. And they need a roadmap for recovery.
As horrendous and outrageous are the stories, as bright and powerful as each narcissist is perceived to be, they are all versions of the same and apparently all come out of the same playbook. They are brilliant in that they can calculate a complex campaign of abuse that spans days, weeks, months and years in milliseconds. And they are powerful in their ability to intimidate and control, although that power is only effective with those who are under their spell. Once the veil is lifted and they are exposed for who they are, they become powerless. It doesn’t seem like that because losing control over an emotional hostage prompts ruthless revenge that knows no bounds. There are no depths that a vengeful narcissist will not delve into. But the pattern of revenge apparently follows a playbook too. Again, largely unoriginal.
Narcissists are the most destructive beings on the planet. They seek to destroy every life that they intimately touch. Survivors of this abuse have a lot to overcome in order to return their reality upside down to one that functions in a healthy way. With the right support and guidance, full recovery is absolutely possible.
It may seem that narcissists move on in life without a scratch, while survivors must pick up the shattered remains of their nearly decimated lives. But like any other aspect of narcissistic abuse, that perception is illusory. Narcissists exist in a perpetual purgatory tormented by their own actions from which they can never escape. Survivors have the ability to heal themselves, become even better versions of themselves, and move on to live a happy life.
Power is transferred once the survivors gain access to the narcissist’s playbook. The playbook is elementary; anyone can learn it. The most difficult aspect of this education, one that feels totally unnatural to tender-hearted survivors, is developing the shrewd and insightful character necessary to regain their personal power. Once done, the rest is child’s play.
