Sexting – For God’s sake, why?

With recent rude indiscretions from everyone from a congressman to actors, this issue is on my mind. Why, in the name of heaven, would a sane person risk sending suggestive messages or images to someone they don’t know … who they’ve never met? I love a commentator’s explanation that I saw on TV. “NARCISSISM!”

We all know, or should know, that our communication devices and technologies carry many risks with them. When we text or email someone, there is an illusion that we actually DO know that person. We meet through chat rooms, dating services, whatever, and we quickly develop a “relationship” of some kind. Note the word ILLUSION, because that is exactly what it is. I “talk” to you through one of these methods and we get acquainted too soon. I would never assume such a “close” relationship with you if I had met you in person (certainly not so quickly).

So if I’m a true narcissist, I just assume that you really want to “get to know” me (with the narcissist, it’s always about me. You know, “Hi, how are you? And how do you feel about me?”). I ASSUME you want a picture of me in my underwear or naked. Of course, you never asked me for this, but I assume you want it and send it to you with a “nice” message. So, I am totally baffled when you are offended, or when my spouse finds out about this and is heartbroken. Repeatedly, I work with people who have made this very serious mistake. Many times you are married and come to counseling after encountering this type of communication from your partner. They feel betrayed, and with good reason. The pain that all of this brings to relationships is enormous. Many relationships are unable to recover from this type of infidelity (and very often, the offender, regardless of multiple promises to his partner, cannot stop the egregious behavior without long-term counseling).

I guess sexting can be quite fun between engaged couples. It is still too risky. Neither of these communication systems is that secure and an image intended for only one can end up being sent to May or posted on YouTube. What started out as a “playful” message can haunt a person for years. When prospective employers search online for an applicant, this is not the kind of information that will make one fall in love with a company.

Which is the answer? So easy. Just don’t do it. Do not initiate this behavior, and if you are, stop. If you can’t stop on your own, ask for help. The consequences are simply not worth it.

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