In America, poets are held in such low esteem that even the most honorable representative of Nigeria won’t bother ripping us off. Society tells us what Dermot Mulroney tells Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, that we are “The pus that infects the mucus that fouls the fungus that feeds on the scum of the pond.”
However, even being duped by the Hon’ble Minister is preferable to the poetry scams that have proliferated. Wind Publications’ guide to literary scams says the following:
Hidden among the many sponsors of legitimate literary contests advertised on the Internet lurk those who care little for literature, its audience, or its authors. These organizations and individuals exist solely for profit through their so-called writing or poetry contests. You’ll often find these “free” poetry contests lavishly advertised in your local newspaper.
There is a cottage industry of writing scams perpetuated by pus poetry pimps, chief among them International Poetry Library aka Noble House Press aka Poetry.com. They advertise in USA Weekend and in the Penny Saver, well, not in the Penny Saver, but they might as well, because that sums up their opinion of poets. If you’ve seen the ads or received a letter that says, “Congratulations, your poem has been selected for our next anthology,” congratulations, you’re being scammed.
Like so-called modeling agencies or “talent agents” preying on the dreams of nubile girls who want to be the next Lindsay Lohan, poetry pyramid schemes exploit writers’ number one hope: publication and, More importantly, recognition. Many excellent websites, such as Preditors and Editors and PoetryNotCom, detail the scandalous mechanics of poetry “anthology” scams, and WinningWriters.com’s infamous Wergle Flomp poetry contest gleefully skewers vain poetry contests and the sub-microorganisms that perpetuate.
How to spot a poetry scam? Seek…
1. Crazy amounts of cake prizes in the sky.
I directed the DeAnn Lubell Professional Writing Contest. Most reading-fee poetry contests pay, at most, $1,000, and that’s for a book-sized poetry manuscript. For a single poem, the first prize is usually $100, $150 at most. A prize of $20 million, as Noble House shows, is a great crimson flag. Oh, and no one ever offers poets a chance to win a world cruise. Usually, we are supposed to sail around the world in a Mark Twain raft, a sampan, or a Hemingway skiff.
2. No contest fees.
Wergle Flomp is the only “F*r*e*e” poetry contest. Now, people on the internet and struggling poets naturally jump at the word “F*r*e*e”. But, just like the victims of those model scams, you’ll end up paying for your bargain hunting moment. Model scams want you to work with a particular (usually fake European) photographer. Likewise, poetry scams won’t even let you see your poem in print unless you pay for the anthology. When you pay for the anthology, you may be wondering if you just bought a copy of Penny Saver, because her poem appears to have been crammed onto the page to make room for the “Spot the Difference” puzzle and adult conversation lines. Then there are those awards banquets…
3. Fake awards banquets.
Ten years ago, no joke, I received an email from the Society of Famous Poets encouraging me to shell out the money to attend an awards banquet and convention. If I paid my money, I could join the elite of poets like… Ted Lange of “Love Boat” fame. Who knew Isaac the bartender was a closet Langston Hughes? Plus, he could win $6,000 in gate prizes. Now, if you’ve ever been to a poetry reading, especially in coffee shops, you know that poets wear their vow of poverty as proudly as a Che Guevara T-shirt. The very idea of winning $25 in a poetry contest made me and my fellow poets cry more cathartically than the “Deal or No Deal” contestants. And Ted Lange doesn’t normally wait.
4. Questionable reputation or none.
In poetry, if you don’t have Nikki Giovanni, Czeslaw Milosz, or Donald Hall front and center in your magazine, plus several angst-ridden Eastern European poets, would-be poets will leave you like Oprah left James Frey. Look for magazines, publishers, and poetry contests that publish and are judged by literary lions. It’s Bukowski or bust. And when Poetry.com can’t figure out that Dave Barry and 20/20 are cheating on them, the joke is on Poetry.com. Similarly, if a vanity press charges you between $3,000 and $8,000 to publish your collection of poems, and the main author promoted by Façade Press is an eighteen-year-old who writes poems from the point of view of his liver, save your money. money for the difficult job of submitting his poems to Threepenny Review, or literary or editorial magazines he reads about at Writer’s Market or Poets and Writers.
5. Advertising in newspapers and fashion magazines.
Actual poetry contests are not advertised on USA Weekend; Sure, USA Weekend may sponsor an essay contest for teens, but poetry advertisers? Forget this. People don’t choose USA Weekend as a literary publication, even though USA Weekend features books and authors. If you see a massive call for poets in a mass market magazine, don’t do it. Real poetry contests are inundated with submissions as they are. They don’t need to fish anymore.
6. Sending you an acceptance letter for a contest you don’t remember entering or a publisher you don’t remember submitting to.
I’ll admit, as a writer I have a hard time keeping track of what I sent to whom and when: we write to avoid paperwork, we don’t, though when we’re not in the mood, rearranging files suddenly becomes as tempting as a day in Cancun. Fortunately, Writer’s Market has a submission tracker, and some enterprising bloggers post their submission schedule to make the rest of us gasp with disorganized envy. If you can’t find the electronic cover letter/inquiry in your filing cabinet, on your computer, on your Zip drive (you back it up, right?), or in your Sent folder, chances are you’ll never send it to the National Library . of Poetry or Wordscum.com (apologies if there really is a website called Wordscum.com). Yes, after 300 rejections, receiving an acceptance letter can be a lift, but to misquote Groucho Marx, think twice before accepting any club that has you as a member. Aim higher. Imagine if JK Rowling had said, “Okay, I’ll pay a million pounds to have a few hundred copies of Harry Potter for my friends and family to buy.”
7. Promise to put your beautiful book or anthology on the best-seller shelf in bookstores.
Number one, PoetryNotCom is one of many sites reporting this claim to be false. Number two, most people who go to a bookstore to read poetry can probably find the poetry section blindfolded and spend three hours debating the symbolism in Whitman over a decaf latte at Borders Café. Number two, while getting your book into bookstores is still the gold standard, Amazon.com and online retailing make it easy for even the smallest press to get books noticed. Number three, bookstores are so saturated with inventory that they can’t even stock POD books, let alone anything from ScamPoet Publishing or Poetry.com, and bookstores won’t accept vanity press books. In fact, no poet besides Ludacris or Jimmy Carter will ever end up on a bookstore bestseller list. We do not enter poetry to be rich. We go into poetry to sound our barbarian cry… and a scholarship or two is nice too.
Many beginning poets get scammed, but you don’t have to. If he is smart and ambitious, he will be a successful poet with tons of magazines and ezines signed by him. Poetry.com and his ilk will always be “The pus that infects the mucus that fouls the fungus that feeds on the scum of the pond.”
